Saturday, September 13, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
An adult by society's standards (and apparently neuroscience), but finally also to myself. All my life I've felt like I was never the age I was supposed to be- until now. My 'self' has caught up to my age and role in society, and it's as if I have switched from passenger to driver. I feel in total control for probably the first time. I guess this is where life really begins for me, for I am undeniably in the 'real' world now. And it is wonderfully terrifying.
To be completely honest, I wasn't ready to turn 25 and I wasn't content to: there is some serious dissonance between where I thought I would be by now and where I am. At some point in my early life I decided (or society told me?) that I would be in a very different place by 25- not so single, or so broke, or so...unstable. (but if I were content, would I feel complacent and dissatisfied with that complacency?)
But I am endlessly grateful for what my life is.
I suspect the palpable change I sense is that up until recently, I was still growing into my own skin and now I am able to just BE. From 0-22 was a chapter of discovery, and from 22-now is a chapter of clarity. The difference is subtle yet unmistakable: the former was a process of understanding and discerning my core values, fundamental beliefs, and finding my 'path'. The latter is about having a solid grasp on why I have those values, beliefs, and my path, and accepting them.
The difference between me at 25 and me as a child/college kid is like night and day. I was floating, soaking up the world, but with little purpose. I had few strong opinions, little conviction and was easily swayed- but it makes sense: how could I be otherwise if I hadn't discovered my anchors? In the past couple of years I have found my anchors and I have this overwhelming sense of clarity. I know my path. I am solid in my opinions, assertive in my goals, and clear on what I want (and don't want) in my world. I am mindful, conscious of my ability to cultivate the life and world I WANT and envision. Discovering my anchors has given me this clarity and clarity is paramount to manifesting where I want to go.
This is not to say I have it all figured out. Far from it, in fact. But I have a notion of how I want my life to feel: fulfilling. I have no idea what this will entail, but I have something to drive me. It's exciting but terrifying- like peering over the edge of the roller coaster drop*.
I am confident, conscious, assertive, and know what I want- out of life, relationships, a partner, work environment, etc. But this can also be frustrating since it means I am setting standards that will often be unmet. I am secure enough to know that "nothing" is better than "anything" and I'm capable of sitting with my discomfort, sticking to my soul's mandate to find "it". This has been tough for me to execute, yet incredibly rewarding.
I guess all I'm saying is...
Find your passion. Find your path. LIVE IT.
On my first day as a 25 year old adult, I truly believe that I am on my path and that I've surrounded myself with remarkable people for this journey. Thank you to everyone that's a part of my life. You are my inspiration, motivation, joy, sanity, support. You are the embodiment of my primary anchor: LOVE**.
* Borrowed this from Nancy ;)
** Seriously, all my favorite people have similar traits: love of life, effusiveness, worldliness, intelligence, kindness. You're all the best. <3
Friday, November 22, 2013
Well it has been quite the adventure and after about 6 weeks of honing my cover letter-writing skills and searching my soul, things are finally starting to feel more...stable, again. Incidentally, when I let go of the anxiety and urgency to complete the mandatory next step in life (i.e. acquiring some high paying job that would be the genesis of an amazing career), life started to make sense again. In other words, I surrendered anew to the idea of groundlessness, impermanence. I stopped trying to impel my will onto the universe, took a deep breath, and just listened.
Maybe it's coincidence, maybe it isn't. All I know is that I'm in a good place again. I feel productive; I am learning more than I could have asked to; I am conscious of my personal and professional growth as it occurs. And I am grateful: Grateful to be in a place where I am surrounded by passionate, intelligent, do-gooders. Grateful that my remarkable family has supported me in figuring it out. And grateful to have friends to keep me from giving up and running away.
Of course, I am more or less back to my energizer-bunny ways, and I no longer have weekends. I am working part time as a tutor for kids taking entrance exams in NYC. They're mostly 4-7 year olds, and they're all AWESOME (mostly). I had forgotten how much I genuinely enjoy working with little kids and how they lift my mood so effortlessly. And then during normal working hours I work at The Relationship Foundation helping to grow it from startup to stable institution. My co-workers are the best and our days are mostly comprised of hilarity; it's truly wonderful to be in a place that is driven primarily by passion.
I find that I am most comfortable when surrounded by people who share my reality; people who want to shape and change the world. I found this at the University for Peace and loved every minute of it. Then I found a similar world at my UNDP internship. And now, because of this job with a nonprofit startup, I have immersed myself in the world of social innovation startups and have been spending my free time going to conferences, networking events, and professional workshops. I found another world to get lost in, and it rocks.
I've become aware from the past few months that everything is a cycle; we won't always be happy, and we won't always be sad. The important thing is understanding, accepting, and allowing ourselves to go through the cycles, otherwise we get stuck in one place and don't move forward. Through my reflection on everything, I've come to gain a greater appreciation for the impermanence that is (my) life and a deeper trust in myself.
Now, to brave the winter once again (needless to say, I am dreading the glacial months ahead). Good thing I am going home for Christmas! (#road triiiiip). And good thing I've learned to deal with holiday stress so my vacation will be nothing less than AWESOME.
Saturday, October 19, 2013
“Don’t worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?
Doubt is uncomfortable, certainty is ridiculous” - Voltaire
I personally would have liked to have been exposed to the infinite possibilities of INTERCONNECTEDNESS among fields of study, rather than pigeonholed into isolated disciplines.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
|Rooftop Fireworks, how New York.|
|I am sorry for leaving you, Pacific Ocean!|
|My BRILLIANT business students|
Camp was incredible. I never went to camps as a kid so being on the other side of it was pretty amazing. We had the best time EVER (for an idea of how ridiculously silly our team of 6 staff was, watch this video we made). The kids were brilliant and some of the sweetest, most awesome 16 and 17 year olds I have met. The Staff was an also an awesome group of people, I made some good memories with them outside of camp itself. Can I just say… TAKI MEOW! SILLY STRING BEDCHECKS. SHARK ATTACKS. What an awesome three weeks.
|Hollywood Hike field trip|
|Last night with my Takis :(|
|SURPRISE. Happy 21st! <3|