Almost There...! (Where?)

NYC Warms Up! (or does it?)

In sunny San Diego, 'mild' is an understatement for most of our winters; I've definitely had multiple March beach days. Not New York! All of April could be accurately described as FRIGID. There were a couple of teaser sunny days but it was mostly still far too cold for my tropical blood. The winter was bearable because of heaters, but it turns out that after April 1st, landlords are no longer required to provide heat to apartments, so our heat was off. It was colder than 50 degrees outside, and probably 10 degrees less in my room. I felt like I was living in an icebox! I finally understood why some people are so grumpy: everyday I woke up dreading crawling out of my warm cocoon of a bed, getting out of my many layers of pajamas, and then showering in my seriously schizophrenic shower that illogically turns hot then cold then hot then cold again without warning. By the time I was ready to walk to the subway, I was GRUMPY and wanted nothing to do with anyone, yet I was obligated to be surrounded by too many people.

I also learned how seriously I am affected by the weather. A glimpse of warmth and my energy levels shot up, but the minute it dropped, again I was unhappy. I felt like I would go crazy if the sun didn't come out- and stay out for good. Maybe it was that I was severely deficient in Vitamin D, maybe I was just homesick, but either way it was wearing down on me and I started to feel gloomy more often than not. It was a combination of working two jobs, lack of adequate sleep, homesickness, compounded by the chilly weather...but then my parents came to visit! They came for a week to see me as well as celebrate their 25th anniversary. Luckily, the weather was mostly beautiful for them- they seemed to have gloriously brought a semblance of San Diego sunshine with them (in addition to the suitcase full of margarita makings, avocados, chips, and salsa so that I "wouldn't forget San Diego")! Of course, the day after they left it started pouring. Their trip was great, we spent time together, went to many dinners (a break from all the cooking I've been doing!), walked the city, saw some sights- it was a much needed rejuvenating week (I worked half-days at the UN for that week).

 May and Spring time

When I was moving to New York, I kept getting told "the greatest city in the world", now that warmer days are ahead, the iteration is "spring and summer in the City is AMAZING- you're going to love it". I've learned that these are never just understatements. SO much more goes on in the city when people can enjoy being outdoors- concerts, plays, parties, art shows, music and movies in the parks, etc. etc. By this point my internship is a little past the halfway mark and I am feeling exhausted and a little overwhelmed by the craziness of the city- I seriously need a vacation, some beach time, and a little peace and quiet. Luckily, Brit and Sophia invited me to join them and a group of friends to a relaxing weekend in Virginia Beach. I could hardly contain my excitement- I started the countdown to Friday on Sunday night! I took Thursday-Monday off and left early Thursday morning for DC where I spent the day and night, and off we went Friday morning. A four-hour drive later, we arrived at a beautiful 3-story house right on the beach where the ten of us would be staying. ALL we did was lay on the beach reading, played volleyball, cooked massive amounts of food while drinking wine and dancing to mellow tunes (think Buenavista Social Club, Jack Johnson, Waxie) and decompressed. It was really an incredible weekend with some amazing people. But lo and behold I had to make my way back to my crazy NYC life and I was thrust back into the stress abruptly- traffic, packed buses, and missing work Monday night. I was even more overwhelmed having just been in an opposite state of mind- the contrast was almost too much.

After living in the city for a few months and leaving for a weekend, I realized some things that I miss, and some things that I love about my experience in NYC.

I miss:
- Sunshine and sunsets and the beach
- My car
- The ability to find peace and QUIET
-  Fewer crowds
- Low-stress environments

Things I love about NY:
- Fun and lively; always something to do, somewhere to go
- Convenient, 24-hour transportation (no DUI checkpoints!)
- The ability to walk almost anywhere
- Greenest city per capita- you appreciate nature more just by the sheer contrast of the city: the birds sing sweeter, the flowers bloom lovelier, the sunshine warms you warmer...
- I read much more (a book every couple of weeks!)
- Lots of interesting people (especially UN interns!)- I have met some truly spectacular people and made some close friends

May continued to be crazy busy as I started going to dance classes at Piel Canela Dance Studios. I took a few weeks of Rueda, Tango, and Belly dance, which was so fun and challenging. At the end of May, Chris made a last-minute trip to New York and Baltimore! My second visitor- it was interesting seeing the City through new eyes, and seeing my life here from a fresh perspective. I realized that I've settled in, and while I may have a love/hate relationship with this place, I know it better than I thought and have grown to love it. It was a great two weeks of good food, good talks, plays, and photography. And then it was June and we had to say goodbye...


How Did That Happen So Fast?

June- the last month of my internship. Time really flew by, but at the same time I feel like I have been living in NYC for far longer than five months. It makes me think back to a 'theory' about time that I read in a book (Moonwalking with Einstein): if we do more memorable things in our days, weeks, months, it stretches our perception of TIME, making it feel like we have lived longer, fuller lives. The idea is that when we just go through the motions, the daily grind of routine, everything blurs together and suddenly a month or year has gone by and we hardly remember what we did or how we lived. I sometimes allow that to happen, especially when you've been in the same place for a while, but being in a new city, surrounded by new people has made every single one of my days extremely long but also awesome, making my five months feel twice as long. I'm okay with that. But I am on the verge of getting burnt out from trying to do everything all the time- I don't want to live to work, I want to work to live, so I sacrifice sleep (and maybe some productivity) to ensure my days are not consumed by only work. With two jobs, this is a hard balance to achieve but I'm working it out. I wonder if this is a prominent mentality here, making everyone always crazy and stressed workaholics but also making it a sleepless city- the need to work hard but also play hard. Of course, there is the other argument from another book (No Impact Man) that says our consumer culture makes us work so hard only so we can afford more and more material things, in a vicious cycle of working endlessly. While this is also very true, especially in a metropolitan city, I am working hard to shape my trajectory and my future career path, not buy shiny new things. And my idea of 'playing hard' is experience-based, as long as I'm surrounded by good people I don't mind what we do. But I digress.

My sisters came to visit- third visitors!- last week for a 'sister trip'. It was great timing (although it was rainy about half the time) and it was a lot of fun. I did and saw so many tourist things that I hadn't gotten around to and we had a great time. Again, it helped to reaffirm that I really do like it here and could stay for  just a little longer. It was also good timing, seeing as how I've been feeling overwhelmed, because my family has a way of restoring my sanity- especially my sisters :)


Groundlessness

Well, I now have ONE week left at my internship, 2 weeks left at my teaching job, and about a million loose ends to tie together- basically I have an extraordinary amount of work and very little time. But I will get it done somehow... and once I emerge from the whirlwind of finalizing NYC responsibilities, off to DC I go for a few weeks! I'll be teaching a Politics in Action course to high school students at a pre-college summer camp at George Washington University. My internship experience was great, I met so many awesome people, gained new knowledge, and learned more about myself. I would say it was a successful experience, and it has reaffirmed my passion for an international, diverse, LIFE. I also decided that i don't want to try and change the world; I would rather SHAPE it.

So in one month, I will be full-time looking for jobs and my life will once again be totally up in the air. But I am okay with that. I recently came across the Buddhist principle of 'groundlessness' (mentioned in the book No Impact Man) and it really resonated with me. It essentially says that we are constantly scrambling and attempting to grab hold of something, set parameters, to have a solid foundation of knowing and certainty- to ground ourselves- but it is futile because none of it matters.The necessity we feel to know everything and have a sense of certainty oftentimes creates a lot of stress, anxiety, and unhappiness. The key to remove this kind of negativity from our lives is to become accepting of groundlessness- of openness, uncertainty, of floating and being in a constant state of flux. I combined this with the idea in The Alchemist that we all have a path and we are guided by the Universe. In order to allow ourselves to be guided, to truly discover where we are supposed to be going, we need to step into a state of groundlessness. I feel that I have lived like this, to an extent, which has led to the serendipitous events that brought me to where I am now. I am content floating (as long as it is floating with the goal of evolving, learning and growing as opposed to remaining static), and now am making a concerted effort to be fully groundless in all I do because all I know is that I really don't know anything (especially not what the future holds).

A Poem:

A constant state of flux

   unknowing

   uncertain

Blissful ebb and flow

   floating

We are ephemeral

Serene detachment

I am GROUNDLESS

(but not lost)

The Universe guides.